Giving and receiving information, bridging the feedback gap
Chapter 5
p.8
For some reason or other I have a feedback gap. Ìt always makes me nervous. When I receive feedback, I often withdraw and go into the "Poor me" - mode. When I give feedback, I'm always afraid that people will take it as criticism. How should on bridge this feedback gap?
Feedback is essential for growth. The most important thing about it is that it should always lead to something constructive, for only then can it really act as a motivational tool for growth.
Feedback consists not only of getting feedback, but also of giving feedback. The glue that bonds these two dimensions together, is the development of an action plan to deal with the content of the feedback. It is essential that action follows feedback, otherwise no growth will result.
When is feedback positive and when is it negative, close the feedback gap by being aware!
Can you give me some guidelines that will enable me to be more effective in giving feedback?
One can close the feedback gap and enhance feedback by:
Focusing on what you say, how you say it and when you say it,
Distinguishing between negative and positive feedback, and by
Ensuring that your feedback results in a SMART(M) action plan.
Specific: You should be able to break your goals into manageable chunks.
M
Measurable: How will I know? (See? Hear? Feel?) What is the evidence procedure?
A
Achievable: Is this within my control? Do have I the skills, the resources, the authority? Do I give myself permission to act?
R
Rewarding: The benefit must be greater than the cost, otherwise you won't achieve the goal (causes procrastination).
T
Timing: When do I start? How long will it take? What are the mileposts so that I can monitor that I am on my way?
M
Monitor: We added a last M for monitor. We found that one can have the most amazing plan, but without monitoring and tracking it until completion; the chances for successfully completing this plan is minimal.
Feedback should always result in something constructive and actionable. When you are about to give feedback and are afraid that it might be destructive in a way, rather apply the 24 hour rule.
Sometimes the need to give feedback was caused by something that triggered emotions; these emotions can interfere with giving constructive feedback. If this is the case allow at least 24 hours to pass before giving feedback. The 24 hour rule allows these possibly interfering emotions to play themselves out before giving feedback. This is sometimes difficult to do, but once one has done this a few times the feedback gap will be significantly reduced!
What is to be done?
Who is to do it?
When is to do?
How do we monitor?
Close the feedback gap by giving:
Descriptive feedback
Specific feedback
Constructive feedback
Timeous feedback
The feedback gap can be closed using the methods at the bottom of this page.
Are you giving negative or positive feedback, close the feedback gap by handling each correctly
Negative feedback
Positive feedback
Should always be in private.
Praise in public as person and others benefit as well.
Focus on the problem:
What was the behavior
What was done
What's was said
And not on the person.
Focus on the
person:
You did a great job!
Put into context -
Period of time.
People are then more ready to accept.
Make permanent by using:
You “always” produce good results.
You” never” let us down.
Make specific - Resolved
Copy (great)
Remember that feedback should always be constructive.
Never cause pain, other than as a signal to learn something new or to do something differently.
Receiving feedback is an even worse nightmare! I often feel that everyone else is trying to burst my bubble...
What can I do to change this mind set and close this feedback gap I have even more?
Always give constructive feedback, be aware and bridge the feedback gap!
There are two different sets of tools that will enable you to deal effectively with the feedback you receive:
Using open-ended questions to explore exactly what is expected of you. Read the questioning skills applet.
Using NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) techniques like reframing and dissociation “To see yourself inside the picture".
It is natural to feel attacked when one is at the receiving end of critical feedback (”Poor me”); however, reacting in a defensive or attacking manner curtails the feedback, stops the growth process and stretch the feedback gap even more.
A person coming from the personal power model (mature), who receives unpleasant feedback controls his natural feelings of defensiveness and gets more information by using the following technique:
TELL me more.
Use Open-Ended questions:
What, when, where, who, how to determine an Action Plan.
WHAT is to be done?
(Now/Next time/In future)
WHO is to do it?
(Who is to be responsible? What other resources are needed?)
WHEN is it to be done?
(When is it to be started? How long will it take?)
WHERE is to be done?
(What area, location etc.)
HOW do we monitor it?
(How will I know your plan is working? Who does the checking?)
Reframing
What else (that would be to my benefit) could this mean - this method is commonly known as Lateral Thinking.
Dissociation
When feedback is hurtful, I can dissociate from the feelings in order to effectively manage the feedback to find a solution.
Deal with feedback in an emotionally intelligent way.
While you're at it why not also use the six thinking hats to enhance communication and understanding.
For the first few times one is going to react in old ways to feedback. Make a conscious effort to be aware when giving or receiving feedback; focus on what to do, what to say and how to react for all to get maximum benefit from the feedback.
Handling feedback in a mutually beneficial way will eventually come naturally. Use the support of those around you and make them aware of how you are developing certain skills. Others will then learn from you and everybody grows and develops new skills!
