Communication can be divided into
Stimulus and Response
Chapter 5
p.7
I don't know why, but often I become defensive when people say things to me. I then withdraw and usually I end up with this "poor me" feeling that lasts for the rest of the day. Is there any way in which I can change this?
To change that defensive response of yours, you first have to
understand the essence of communication.
Communication can be divided into two parts:
Stimulus and Response
You have very little control over the stimulus component, which often includes criticism, ridicule, judgement and invalidation of yourself. What you can change, is your esponse. It is especially programmed past responses that can, and most often have to be hanged to enhance your communication and effectiveness in dealing with customers and colleagues.
See criticism as a learning experience. Disassociate from the criticism. Obtain information to solve the problem
by asking open ended questions like:
What would you change?
How can I improve?
Who is involved?
When should the task be completed?
Where can I find the information?
Questioning assists you to go
from a problem state to a solution state.1
“If” is a very powerful word as it can move something from a
problem state to a solution state
since it helps to design the future.
When one goes into the problem state the following happens:
One feels stuck
The negative situation repeats itself
One blames others
When one goes into the problem state the following happens:
What is to be done about the challenge?
How could this problem be managed better in the future?
Think of solutions around "If"
The only thing that will get you out of the problem state is by choosing to deal effectively with stimuli through appropriate responses.
You'll be amazed at what it will do for your interaction with customers and colleagues...add effective listening to this and you'll become far more effective.
